Day 12,978

As of New Years Day today, I’ve been alive for nearly thirteen thousand days.  It’s hard to let that sink in, thinking of all the days gone by, all the things that have happened and been done and I’ve been a part of or just witnessed.  Some days that impacted me greater than others, leaving me changed while others passed from memory to never be thought of again.

Day 1

A common motif and theme of my blog, clearly, is that I keep resetting and promising not to reset again and then writing a blog post accordingly.

Guess what, this is one of those posts yet again.

12,978 Days Gone Bye

A better way of existing begins with coming terms to reality. Reality, It’s like a scratch ‘n sniff sticker, except its mostly ripping off the sticker instead.

I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately.  Specifically, that I’m not any closer to any goals or dreams or anything I’ve ever had. Three and a half days from now, still no change. This is paired with everything else wrong with me which nukes my abition for life, yearning for success and whatever else. Together, they make magic with my mind and body and send me into a depression at the fact I’ve spent most of my life in the mud, stuck in it and getting no where.  I wonder how many others are like me?  How many found their way out of the mud?  How many gave up and let themselves sink to the bottom? So I challenge my thoughts and end up paralyzed by inaction.

With all the good, the bad and the awkward that entails, I feel a burst of energy to change this — yet I know in a few hours or minutes or days I’ll be back in the mud, unable to escape.   I keep dreaming of a miracle cure-all that’ll fix this.  Maybe a pill that’ll give me all the energy and life back in the world that I wasted by existing as I do now.

One that’ll stick to me and pull me free at the same time.

But I keep trying.

Maybe one day I’ll be me.

This is day one.