Long Time from an Old Place, but Never Going Back

In life, it goes without saying that mistakes will be made and some mistakes will be turning points.  Things we loved, enjoyed, liked we once walk from and never go back to.   It happens more than once, it happens over and over again.

And we let go of these things, we loose them.  That’s life.

But sometimes, if we want it, if we get over our hang ups and regrets and burnt hopes-  we can get it back.

That happened to me a long time ago, back in 2003 or so.  I walked away from something I loved because I made mistakes, I let little things get to me, and I thought I was smarter than I really was.

Domain squatters captured it and held it for a long time, dashing any hope of going back ever again.  I did, eventually get it back.  I got back my first domain:  HyperionBase.com.  I loved that domain name, I thought it was so clever.

But let me put my Nerd aside.

Because after I got it back, I sat on it.  I tried to do things with it, but never much.  Just farting around with it and wordpress themes and sites I never updated after the first week or two.   Never could get my passion back for it because I felt like I was trying to relive already lived things.

Part of me discouraged me from doing anything with it because part of me said, “You already did it”

And that’s true.  I already did it.  I already conquered those mountains, climbed that summit and walked away from it.  Now I was standing on the foothills, looking back wistfully in nostalgia.   But you know,I was also depressed those days too and while I know I’ll never be rid of depression- I don’t have to die from it by living in Nostalgia of the time before things fell apart, before mistakes were made, before I lost my way.

Fuck Nostalgia.

I want to do something constructive, something I love, something I want to do. It’s fine to look back, but I’m not going back-  I’m only going forward.  I need to go forward, I need to move forward like an unstoppable force.

Because if I go back, I’ll die.

If I stand still, I’ll die.

If I run, I’ll die.

So I’ll build forward.

While this good feeling lasts, I’ll build a new site for it and I’ll get back into gaming because that’s how I unwind right now.